....and friends that go....

To tell you that my heart is broken is an absolute understatement. How do you know a person for almost 50 years and find out a week after they died, that they died. This wasn't an occasional acquaintance, but a life long friend. I have been so angry and sad and they intertwine like a bad dream and all I want to do is to make some sense of it all, but it just never comes.

Jane was diagnosed back in June of 2008 with cancer in her lung. It seemed easy enough, cancer, cut it out, chemo, radiation & get on the mend! Hmmmmmm, at least it seemed simple enough. I remember I was at Sue's mother Jeanette's wake and I saw Jane, but didn't recognize her, and she realized that and recognized me first. Where the fuck is your hair, was my first thought? Jane in her humility, told me to be calm and be comfortable with her hair, or lack thereof.

But let me back up a bit. I've known Jane Lynk for as along as my memory serves me. I think we knew each other about 5 or so and went onward from there. In the 6th grade Jane moved to 110 Hoyt Avenue, Staten Island, which may have read California or Wisconsin. But Jane rode the bus from SI to Bayonne everyday to attend school at St. Mary's. Her first boyfriend was Tommy Kane and she had a wicked bad perm one year and got the shit kicked out of her by Denise Rogers. One time we were all bad and while Carol Rogers was hit by Harry's Beer truck, Jane and I hid behind Kenny's chair in his room cause we were petrified to come out.

My dearest friend, I already miss you and want to come over to you and hug you until I cannot hug you any longer. I cannot imagine mylife without you in it. While we may not have seen each other often, I know that you are my guide and my rock. My dearest friend, I love you and miss you and will do so, always.

Friends that come, and go

Way back in the 1980's I met a young man who impressed me very much. He was the paper delivery 'boy' (teen) for my brother in law Beatnik (Paul Bodnar). He has since married, fathered 2 wonderful children, become successful in his career and our paths have crossed so many times in our lives, too many times to recollect. Over the years I have met and gotten to know his wife Petrine and have come to not only like her, but admire her in her wit, confidence, compassion, steadfastness, & strength, only to name a few. A few years ago they offered their Cape May home to me for a week while they were not going to be able to use it and of course, Miss Pretty Nala & I went and had such a relaxing week. Petrine, Donald & I have been talking for years about doing a week or a weekend together in Cape May but the next thing you know the summer fades and so does the opportunity to get together. When we saw each other in June, we pulled out our calendars and secured the 26th of August thru the 31st as my time to join them in Cape May as both of their teens will be away.


As the time got closer I thought, does she really want me down there for 5 nights & 6 days? Will they tire of me or vice versa? Usually a vaca is filled with too much 'stuff' and I cannot wait to get home. Not this time. My first day, Petrine and I went to a bar/restaurant called Harpoon Henry's to have a few beers & some appies and watch the sun set. Oh MY :) The next day we both woke up late and she made me an awesome breakfast of poached eggs & we relaxed over some coffeee and headed out in the afternoon into the square to shop and browse and went home to some wine, conversation and friendship. When Donald & their friend Carol arrived later that night we all sat up and chatted had a few drinks and started our weekend and what a weekend it was. Sleeping late, hovering over coffee and chatting at the breakfast table until noon in our PJs and a casual afternoon. The rest of the weekend went along just like this, sleeping late, long breakfasts, casual afternoons & evenings, great conversation & most of all friendship. When Tuesday came along I thought I would leave early to get some items attended to, but we went to the beach & sat and chatted. Petrine made a delicious chilli to give me energy to drive home.

Blessed doesn't even describe this weekend, this family and this friendship.

I know this is long, and I won't keept this but very short, in the Title of this blog it is 'Friends that come, and go', I will write next about my lifelong friend that has gone, Jane Lynk D'Ambra who lost her life to cancer on Friday, the 27th. Unfortunately, I didn't find out about it until today and am devastated that I was not able to participate in her services. Peace out my good friend Jane.

Psalm 31:16Let your face shine on your servant; save me in your unfailing love

A back yard treasure

The idea of the blog was to post something at least twice a week. So I am falling behind on my own blogging goal. One reason for my lack thereof is that I need to invest in a new communication device, aka a computer. I currently have a 7 year old desk top, that serves it purpose, sometimes. Often it is too tempermental and I don't want to deal with a tempermental PC at the end of a long day. (This picture was taken the morning I found her.)

Some distractions for me in the past few weeks were my missing kitty who, when I found her last year I named Johnny Cat. She was all of about 3-4 weeks old and her little eyes were all infected from an upper respiratory infection. After the mother cat tossed her out of the litter of kittens the ferals were going to have her for breakfast. "Hey, get away from there you guys" I yelled out the window and quikly ran down to the yard and picked up the little thing & with her eye closed she looked like a pirate. Hmmmm...pirate, huh? I know a pirate, or someone who plays a pirate on the big screen who is cute and his name is Johny Depp! I'll name you Johnny. Well Johnny turned out to be a girl and here she still lives to this day.

Johnny didn't embrace her new home right away, but eventually she learned to bond with her new adopted brothers and vice versa. Eventually she got more and more independent and while she still hangs with the boys for meals, she really goes her own way most of the time. She will never allow me to pick her up, with the exception of once every the morning but only before I get out of bed. So it is not unusual for her not to be around, but for days? That is unusual. After several days of her hiding under the couch, she came out and I was able to pick her up and saw the horror of her throat all torn open. From what I didn't know. I brought her to the Vet and had to leave her there as I had asked them to spay her while she was 'visiting'. Later that day when I went to visit her to my horrow they showed me that the poor little thing swallowed a sewing needle, complete with thread. I felt horrible, but she quickly recovered and is well on the mend back to being a skittish little cutie pie. (These 2 pictures are when she started bonding with her adopted brothers, Spanky & Harley.)

And finally, a happy healthy little kitty, albeit, she really was the runt of the litter and isn't more than 5 lbs for a full grown kitty.

I will close with one of my favorite quotes from the Saint Francis of Assisi, the Patron Saint of Animals:

"Lord, make me an instrument of your peace; where there is hatred, let me sow love; when there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; and where there is sadness, joy. Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood, as to understand, to be loved as to love; for it is in giving that we receive, it is in pardoning that we are pardoned, and it is in dying [to ourselves] that we are born to eternal life." — Francis Of Assisi

Extended family blessings

First I want to apologize to my adoring fan club for being so delinquent in posting, but there have been a few snags in my life in the course of the past week but I'm back & ready or not here I come.

I had the opportunity to 'go down the shore' this weekend. (I quote that expression because no where else in the world is it called 'going down the shore'. But I'll save that chat for another post.)

When I started this blog I mentioned my love of family and how I will integrate them into this conversation between us. Me, I'm only one of 3 but my Mother was one of 7 and Father one of 5 so I have plenty of cousins to speak of some I am very close with, some moderately close with and others I haven't seen in 40+ years.

I was so blessed to spend Friday night with my 2 nephews, Chris & Danny and their families (and again, I will speak on these 2 later). From Saturday to Sunday I ventured over to my cousin Joe and his wife Donna's house. Upon arrival, albeit a wee bit late because of something called TEQUILA the night before, I was served a delicious lunch of homemade potato salad, grilled kiebasi, beans, loads of olives, & pickles all served on beautiful blue, stoneware plates in their beautiful garden.

I hadn't seen Joe & Donna's girls since last October and let me tell you, I had to sit down to absorb their children's growth & beauty since the last time I saw them. Lily (Elizabeth Helen) is 12, Missy (Melissa) is 11 & Mary is 3. It was obvious from just physical appearance that both Lily & Missy need to grow into their exceedingly long legs. As we sat and ate and chatted I was astounded at the remarkable maturity, beauty and intellictual gifts given to Lily; Missy, while as gifted has a totally different personality and is more 'silly' in her delivery. Mary, well Mary is Mary as both Donna and Joe told me before I got there on Saturday.

When we were out to Mary's favorite restaurant (Panda) on Saturday night, she wanted to chat about something no one at the table was talking about, and she looked at me and said, "Maureen, not to change the subject, but......" I looked at her and her mother Donna, and couldn't believe a 3 year old was talking to me like a 30 year old.

During the course of the weekend I was given the gift of family, of their love and watching 2 people I adore, my cousin Joe & his wife Donna be the best parents that I have ever seen.

On Monday I had to relive how I got to be so close to Joe & Donna and it started in Church, where it all starts. We all share a love for Our Lord, Family & living a good life.

My wish for you today is that today you have a good life.

Deuteronomy 7:13"He will love you and bless you and multiply you; He will also bless the fruit of your womb and the fruit of your ground, your grain and your new wine and your oil, the increase of your herd and the young of your flock, in the land which He swore to your forefathers to give you.

Now you had to know that Pretty would be in a picture. God Bless.

There ought to be a law...........

1. That cats can’t shed
   That dogs (or cats) cannot wake up before their caretaker
   That eating chocolate brings inner peace
   That more calories are burned by sitting than exercising
   That we work 2 days a week and have off 5 days
   That a nose grows when someone tells a lie
   That bank accounts are on auto-refill
   That high heals will never pinch your feet
   That jeans are tight, but never too tight to be uncomfortable
   To say please and thank you to our fellow human beings
   That jealousy and envy are banned from the planet
   That it is mandatory for every human on the planet to study the lives of Mother Theresa, St. Paul, St. Rita, Ghandi, (to name only a few)
   To push your child out of the nest when they turn 18
   To never offer your UNSOLICITED opinion, no matter how much you may want to
   That the NYPD can ticket people who TXT and walk
   That car horns be changed to play Beethoven or Bach
   That no one ever works on their Sabbath Day
   That every house on the planet has a pet
   That family says I love you to each other every day
   To bow your head in thankful prayer at least once a day
   
   There ought to be a law, but we have been given something better….FREE WILL!
   
   The Catechism of the Catholic Church says in paragraph 1731: Freedom is the power, rooted in reason and will, to act or not to act, to do this or that, and so to perform deliberate actions on one's own responsibility. By free will one shapes one's own life. Human freedom is a force for growth and maturity in truth and goodness; it attains its perfection when directed toward God, our beatitude.

Am I there yet?

Most mornings on my commute to work I have the same daydream. What will it be like when I retire? I won't have to don these heals, skirts, pack my lunch, iron my clothes or leave my house before 8:00 am UNLESS I choose to do so. Now at the age of 54 one might be thinking, 'retire', you're too young, you'll be bored. Ummmm no, because I feel that my job interferes with my personal life! But I need to work but for how much longer?

What I am doing I thought, I am wishing my life away. But these thoughts didn't start this morning on my way into the office. I remember when I was 7 or 8 I couldn't wait to be a 'double' digit, aka, 10! When I was 10 I couldn't wait to be a teenager, 13! Then I was onto 16 so I could have more priviledges; then it was wishing to be 18 so I can be 'legal' and onto 21 to make my life 'official'. After 21 there aren't any other birthday's we WANT to achieve, but we do celebrate the 25th for being a 'decade', and then comes 30-40-50, etc.

When I thought about it this morning I realizled that here I am again, going full circle looking forward to birthdays again. I am looking forward to 57 the age I can officially retire from BNY Mellon, 59 1/2 so I can collect my 401K, 62 so I can file for Social Security.

And then I pause and remember that it's not in my plan when anything happens to me, it's in His plan ~ stop trying to control your life and let it just flow like a river ~ I repeated to myself over and over today. Just be happy being 54 (and a half & counting).

1 Corinthians 7:15 (New International Version)
15But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.

Reversal of fortune in parenting role

Yesterday I commented about personal responsibility and how it affects others and it got me thinking about my roles as a daughter and a mother (just to name 2). As a daughter my role has been gifted to me by my God; it is THE first gift I received and with that gift comes responsibility. My role as a mother comes with different responsibilities because it was my choice to be a mother, with God as the intercessory (and some sperm) making it possible.

My role as a daughter had me totally reliant on my mother or father to care for my every need and gradually that reliance became less and less as I grew up. It was the exact opposite in my role as a parent, being the caretaker for my child, and as he has grown my care for him has become less and less.

As I look back and forward at both of these roles, the responsibilities interchange but rarely overlap. As a parent of a now 32 year old it is my responsibility to know when to step in when I’m needed and to wait and offer my opinion on something in his life. I must know that he will do it his way and by not doing it ‘my way’ it is OK. His life is not about me any longer but about creating a life for himself. At this point I am a mere spectator in his life, basically watching from the sideline. While I’ll always be his mother I feel we are best of friends and we have achieved that by being respectful of and to each other as adults.

As the daughter of an 82 year old mother who, was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease in 2001, my role has morphed into that of a mother or basically her caretaker. Over the years I have watched a very strong and independent woman become more and more child like. I have often joked that Mary is the daughter I never gave birth to. She is basically a 5 year old little girl and needs daily care for her meals, personal care and homecare. If left to her own resources, she would not have the ability to eat, bathe or tidy her house on her own. But the effect this disease has on her mental facilities is heartbreaking because she is emotionally a child as well. Everyday she calls me mother because she recognizes me in the role as a mother and every day I tell her how much I love her and and give her a hug before I venture home.

And so the circle of life continues, and if the Lord wills it, I will age and mine and my son’s roles will reverse as well.

In these blogs I will be incorporating scripture that is reflective of my thought and today it is Exodus 20: vs. 12 Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the LORD your God gives you.